Why You Look Like a Tool on Facebook

Andy McDonald, comedy writer and blogger for Huffington Post, has compiled a list of The 10 Most Annoying Facebook Status Updates and I think that he should receive a medal for this outstanding contribution to society. This is McDonald’s list along with my thoughts on each subject:

  1. The “Food I Just Made/Ate Photo” Update
  2. If you made the food yourself, all right, maybe. If you’re just taking pictures of food you’ve ordered in a restaurant — don’t. It never looks as delicious to your audience as it does to you because you’re hungry and we’re not.

  3. The “A Friend is Someone Who…” Update
  4. Oh thank god I read your status! I missed the friendship month in kindergarten.

  5. The “Gym” Update
  6. I’m glad you claim to be in shape when the rest of the country is not. Kudos. Even if you are a gym rat and are there on a daily basis, why would you think we want to be subjected to your repetitious status updates?

  7. The “Tanning” Update
  8. I don’t get it. You’ll die. I feel like knowing that you’re going tanning is like me becoming an accessory to murder.

  9. The “Bet You Won’t Repost This!” Update
  10. You’re right. I’m included in the 97 percent of people who won’t repost that. Moving on.

  11. The “Vegas” Update
  12. You were in Vegas for a week 5 months ago and you’ve been posting about it on Facebook for the past year. Do the math.

  13. The “Why Can’t I Find a Nice Guy?” Update
  14. Because you’ve trapped them in the friendzone, dummy.

  15. The “Will Someone Bring Me (Food Item) to Work?” Update
  16. No, I won’t. I won’t ever. Be productive.

  17. The “Something Something With My Besties!” Update
  18. McDonald says that you best be sure there’s a mutual agreement among besties involved at risk of hurting the feelings of other potential besties. Social media etiquette, ladies.

  19. The “Facebook Game Request” Update
  20. If I receive more than 2 Facebook game invites from you, you will be unfriended. Friends don’t try to get friends to play Farmville or Mafia Wars on Facebook.

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